Why “Rock Bottom” is a Shitty Destination

Laura Kilbey
Jun 15
4 min read

For a very long time, I didn’t think I should stop drinking. I wasn’t bad enough.

After all, I had a good job, I was well respected, I wasn’t drinking everyday, I had never driven drunk, I had never lost my job, I didn’t drink in the mornings (unless it was bottomless brunch OF COURSE) I had my relationships, I’d never woken up in hospital and I’d certainly never sat on a park bench drinking anything from a brown paper bag.

I just liked a drink. I worked in yachting. So I worked hard, and I partied harder. I did what everyone else seemed to be doing.

But.

There was a gnawing question.

‘What if this isn’t what I want to be doing anymore?’

And if you’ve ever had that thought – then this is for you.

The Myth of Rock Bottom

One of the most damaging things that we can believe is that it isn’t bad enough ‘yet.’ We continue drinking too much, waiting for the ‘bad enough’ to be the thing that finally makes the decision for us. Never mind the fact that we are battling regular anxiety, hangovers, the pain of not living the life you want, the stress of being stuck in the cycle. It isn’t rock bottom therefore, no change necessary.

But what is the whisper is in fact, enough?

What if:

Being fed up of the anxiety is enough?
Being fed up of wasting precious days off hungover is enough?
Hating the fact that you can’t seem to moderate and always drink too much, is enough?
Feeling sick of repeating the same bullshit cycle is enough?
Not wanting to be completely out of alignment, is enough?

These reasons? They are enough.

The reality of yachting culture

Listen, yachting can be an incredible career.

It’s adventurous, exciting, pays well, gives you LIFE changing experiences and life long friendships. It can be awesome, no question.

But.

It does also normalise things that may raise eyebrows in the ‘normal’ world.

The ‘work hard, play hard’ culture is DEEPLY ingrained.

Getting drunk on crew nights out become the reward for gruelling charters and the worlds longest days.

Alcohol can become:

THE ONLY stress relief.
The social glue that holds the crew together.
The only way to switch off.
So normalised that NOT drinking feels like you are some freak of nature.

So, when you do find yourself questioning your drinking, it is normal for it to feel incredibly isolating, and honestly - a bit scary. It is normal for your brain to jump back to the safety of ‘normal’. You might wonder:

Am I just overreacting?
Do I really need to quit?
It’s not really THAT bad.

Here is what I wish someone had told me

You don’t need a diagnosis.

You don’t need a horror story.

You don’t need anyone else’s approval.

You HAVE permission to decide something no longer aligns with you.

You are ALLOWED to do something different to what you’ve done before.

You are entitled to prioritise your wellbeing.

It is okay for you to just become curious.

WITHOUT the rock bottom.

I was determined for my drinking to be BAD enough. And so, my drinking got worse.

And I still didn’t hit rock bottom. Not the ones you see on the TV anyway.

My rock bottom was all internal. Depressed and full of anxiety, I determined I had to go all in one way or another. So I chose to go all in on getting better.

What Happened Next?

I was terrified of what I might lose in sobriety. So I shifted focus, on everything that I would be gaining. And I found instead of losing anything, I gained everything.

I found: